The world being what it is in this information overloaded, over sharing of stories and lives on social media there is so much out there for travelling. Many pride themselves on being global nomads, with all these wonderful pictures of exotic places and blinding night lights of the big cities. On social media it's all glitz and glamour. Can't say I'm not guilty of a few pictures that have resulted in a lot of people falling in love with this life of travel that we have adopted as a family. Some even call me brave for jetting across the planet to a place known for pirates & terrorists at three months pregnant away from family, friends and comforts. Until this day I don't see myself as brave but know that it was a necessary part of my life that needed to happen the way it did. It was most definately far from glitz and glamour but a bombardment of lessons, questions more than answers. The sheer amounts of questions scared me senseless at first. My foundation as I knew it was shaken, questioning almost everything I took to be me. The time came to go back to the drawing board, having more questions than answers was hard for someone that has always took pride in knowing the path she was going in. Had to go back to the drawing board not only with self evaluation on a personal level just as the girl I once knew, the woman I became once married but the biggest ship of all as a mother. Now that I am a mother the responsibility to understand the world and myself became more imminent, because I'm not just navigating through this world on my own. I have been entrusted with the purest form of life, this flawless soul that is looking to me to help get through this journey called life, this platform called the world. The mess that is society. The smokescreen that many of us is blinded by, I once was blinded by. I don't want him to be subjected to that. Like any and all parents, I want what's best for this little man. I don't want him wasting years on cleaning up the mess that society subjects onto us, the subconscious emotional garbage our parents sometimes unload onto us from their shortcomings. My shortcomings are mine and mine alone, it's not for anyone else.
Trying to learn/unlearn all that I know about parenthood, personhood doing all this in a foreign land I once called home. A place which I dreamt of being back in for as long as I could remember. Growing up in a place you don't belong in thinking where you was born is your home, growing up with a dual identity enforced the idea of going back home.
Living in the place I once called home the realisation like a lightning bolt hit. The ugly reality of it being far, very far from what it was in my head.
This difficult stage with its beautiful clear blue skies & scorching hot sun finally taught me that home truly is where your heart is.
This in itself started the next stage of questions. My heart has floated away with the wind to all the four corners of the world a long time ago. I'm a traveller at heart, a nomad some might say. The idea of not having one set home was quite frightening, but I found liberation in knowing that I don't need to be confined by four walls. Belonging to a certain society/ a group of people with their set ideology. As a human being I'm far beyond that. If I can ever leave my son with a lesson it is just that. We are only ever limited to what we let ourselves be limited to. The ability of the human being is beyond what any society can teach us. The vast universe around us is also apart of us, as well as within us. Don't ever fall victim to the idea of being defined by your name or what you do for a living.
The concept of you is far greater than that.
So we travelled, moved between how many houses I lost count of now. Seen incredible places, met some beautiful people. Have had my faith in humanity shaken more than a dozen of times. Seen first hand this thing called poverty. Buildings crumbled from war. Seen shattered families as a result of civil war & mind numbing colonialism. Worst of the original product. Where the oppressed has become the best advocate for their own destruction & wiping out the very essence of their being & shitting all over their ancestors fight for freedom. Been to places where emotional & mental rape are as common as a cup of coffee in the morning.
Seeing the ugly side of humanity where money is god.
All this laced with the beautiful images of sunny places, flawless almost angelic smiles of innocent children. The strong brave mothers working while carrying their children on their back.
The image of a 4x4 land cruiser with the saviours handing out charity goods to the poor public. The image of those cars will never be the same again having lived in a few parts of this vast continent. All that those white 4x4s with their bullet proof windows represent is an unfortunate side of humanity one can only understand by seeing firsthand the destruction they cause & the spiral effect of mental instability.
Something very wrong took place a very, very long time ago. The reality of some people coming out of it is unfortunately a very bleak one, so I refuse to apologise for not partaking in your sugar coating, supposed righteous image of a ruined continent. One day we will both go back into the earth your opinion is worth nought but dust. So unless you hold the key to REAL change in life don't come at me with talks of charity, I'm over and off that train.
