So far so good.

Like many parents would say, they have come to understand life once their child came along. Might seem a strange thing as most people will have their child in their adulthood. (For the sake of generalisation) some people will even get to a stage in their early adulthood where they decide they want a career & maybe even travel before they make this life changing decision. I was one of those, worked out well for me.
I won't say I knew, because if I truly did then I'd have acted on them, so il just say I knew of the benefits of leading a healthy life. It came in various forms. From the supposed 5 a day to drink plenty of water. Came across a concept known as feng shui. Was raised in a household where cleanliness of a house is the reflection of the owner. Never stopped be to think twice about the God aweful mess my place was, a few friends will gladly testify. Lived on take always & redbull. Forget the health & well being degree, that attracted a deeper part of me that was yearning for a well rounded approach to what health is.
Nights out & cheese burgers were the norm.
Fast forward to a scorching hot climate on the other side of the planet, where I was born. Never mind the exact location the google maps pin would drop. I find myself naturally transitioning to healthy organic food. Camel milk as a staple diet, because I owe it to the soul sharing everything I put into my body. The minute my body started to change, I started to actually pay attention to these limbs of mine. Typical human, we truly are a peculiar species.
So when I find myself stepping into the year 2017 "healthy" having given up all vices, except for one😒 because I'm so conscious of not only what I put in my sons body but what I put on his body. I find myself questioning what kind of a mother & a woman I am. If it isn't good enough for my son, it isn't for me.. So cranking up the research adding onto what I had previously learnt. I find my hair and skin glowing. Feeling happier. Which naturally transitioned to altering not just the cream I put on but the course of my life. Walking away from a safe income, because where there is a will there is a way they said. So came the question, do you continue to dream or do?
So here I am 4 months in with more time to spend with my family, in my home, creating wealthy habits, healthy products, learning everyday, not making any one else rich but me, practicing what I preach. Leading by example not just for my son but for little old Asli too.
So the journey continues...

30 at 30

30 things that have helped ground me at 30 

1. don't take life too seriously, after all no one get out alive.
2. Nourish your child within, she holds the key to TRUE growth. Never seize to be amazed at the wonder of the world and life
3. Wake up every morning wanting to learn something new or create/break a habit. aspire to grow and learn ALWAYS.
4. Always remain humble, because nothing is ever guaranteed. Let love strike you like a lightning bolt. Laugh with every cell in your body. Live as if you have a minute left on earth. 
5. Work like your life depends on it, once you find your passion. Pour your love & soul into your work. Let it be your paintbrush to the magnificent canvass that is life. 
6. Always remember the miracle that is your life. Remember that you are majestic being. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. 
7. Listen to your soul, hear your heart. Feel your spirit. That is where your safe haven is. That is your calling
8. Smile at a stranger
9. Walk with your head held high, walk with purpose. 
10. Care shamelessly for others, but always remember you come first. 
11. Cherish and honour every day 
12. Be kind, always! because everyone is going through a battle you know nothing of.
13. Treat yourself, selfishness is sometimes the best gift you can give yourself.
14. Acknowledge you're vulnerable, it's the greatest strength you have.
15. Love fiercely, unapologetically never lose faith in love. It's the greatest tool you will ever come across.
16. For every action there is reaction. Think and always sleep on it before any decision 
17. At what cost? Everything thing you want to invest in, always ask what is the cost to your wellbeing is.
18. Don't fall in love, RISE in love.
19. Travel
20. Travel
21. Travel as much as you can, meet as many people as you can. You learn so much about the world and yourself.
22. Be respectful to nature
23. Be respectful to yourself 
24. Don't merely live but seek to always be alive.
25. Meditate/pray 
26. Read books that stimulate your essence.
27. Go to sleep every night and wake up every morning with gratitude. 
28. Give charity, no one is ever above or below it.
29. Surround yourself with people you admire. You are the company you keep. 
30. Reflect on what's been, plan for the future but live for today. 

One dark night

Life is one long night, the journey that is.

This journey called life, they say don't take it for granted it's a gift. Doesn't matter who or what you believe in. It's a gift not to be wasted. It's all the unknown. Whether you believe in a higher power or the Big Bang theory or why not both? The bottom line is life is surviving in the forest on your own in a dark night. There is only one way out. Either you have faith and feed your guardians or your demons. Whichever you chose is how you set the pace for this journey. So which is your reality now? 

Travel & the lessons from the land of riches/aid

The world being what it is in this information overloaded, over sharing of stories and lives on social media there is so much out there for travelling. Many pride themselves on being global nomads, with all these wonderful pictures of exotic places and blinding night lights of the big cities. On social media it's all glitz and glamour. Can't say I'm not guilty of a few pictures that have resulted in a lot of people falling in love with this life of travel that we have adopted as a family. Some even call me brave for jetting across the planet to a place known for pirates & terrorists at three months pregnant away from family, friends and comforts. Until this day I don't see myself as brave but know that it was a necessary part of my life that needed to happen the way it did. It was most definately far from glitz and glamour but a bombardment of lessons, questions more than answers. The sheer amounts of questions scared me senseless at first. My foundation as I knew it was shaken, questioning almost everything I took to be me. The time came to go back to the drawing board, having more questions than answers was hard for someone that has always took pride in knowing the path she was going in. Had to go back to the drawing board not only with self evaluation on a personal level just as the girl I once knew, the woman I became once married but the biggest ship of all as a mother. Now that I am a mother the responsibility to understand the world and myself became more imminent, because I'm not just navigating through this world on my own. I have been entrusted with the purest form of life, this flawless soul that is looking to me to help get through this journey called life, this platform called the world. The mess that is society. The smokescreen that many of us is blinded by, I once was blinded by. I don't want him to be subjected to that. Like any and all parents, I want what's best for this little man. I don't want him wasting years on cleaning up the mess that society subjects onto us, the subconscious emotional garbage our parents sometimes unload onto us from their shortcomings. My shortcomings are mine and mine alone, it's not for anyone else.
Trying to learn/unlearn all that I know about parenthood, personhood doing all this in a foreign land I once called home. A place which I dreamt of being back in for as long as I could remember. Growing up in a place you don't belong in thinking where you was born is your home, growing up with a dual identity enforced the idea of going back home.
Living in the place I once called home the realisation like a lightning bolt hit. The ugly reality of it being far, very far from what it was in my head.
This difficult stage with its beautiful clear blue skies & scorching hot sun finally taught me that home truly is where your heart is.
This in itself started the next stage of questions. My heart has floated away with the wind to all the four corners of the world a long time ago. I'm a traveller at heart, a nomad some might say. The idea of not having one set home was quite frightening, but I found liberation in knowing that I don't need to be confined by four walls. Belonging to a certain society/ a group of people with their set ideology. As a human being I'm far beyond that. If I can ever leave my son with a lesson it is just that. We are only ever limited to what we let ourselves be limited to. The ability of the human being is beyond what any society can teach us. The vast universe around us is also apart of us, as well as within us. Don't ever fall victim to the idea of being defined by your name or what you do for a living.
The concept of you is far greater than that.
So we travelled, moved between how many houses I lost count of now. Seen incredible places, met some beautiful people. Have had my faith in humanity shaken more than a dozen of times. Seen first hand this thing called poverty. Buildings crumbled from war. Seen shattered families as a result of civil war & mind numbing colonialism. Worst of the original product. Where the oppressed has become the best advocate for their own destruction & wiping out the very essence of their being & shitting all over their ancestors fight for freedom. Been to places where emotional & mental rape are as common as a cup of coffee in the morning.
Seeing the ugly side of humanity where money is god.
All this laced with the beautiful images of sunny places, flawless almost angelic smiles of innocent children. The strong brave mothers working while carrying their children on their back.
The image of a 4x4 land cruiser with the saviours handing out charity goods to the poor public. The image of those cars will never be the same again having lived in a few parts of this vast continent. All that those white 4x4s with their bullet proof windows represent is an unfortunate side of humanity one can only understand by seeing firsthand the destruction they cause & the spiral effect of mental instability.
Something very wrong took place a very, very long time ago. The reality of some people coming out of it is unfortunately a very bleak one, so I refuse to apologise for not partaking in your sugar coating, supposed righteous image of a ruined continent. One day we will both go back into the earth your opinion is worth nought but dust. So unless you hold the key to REAL change in life don't come at me with talks of charity, I'm over and off that train.

My Old home

My old home was a place of beauty, a place where they sat around the campfire by the old tree and mastered the art of spoken word. Men so eloquently, flawlessly & oh so seductively moved the masses with their words. The women, by god the women, were true lionesses with grace that put the gazelles to shame. The beat of their drum had their men move the pyramids.
My old home was a place of strength, the fathers were hunters & camel herders and their children were the apprentices. The mothers built and managed their homes with the grounding of mountains, the immense power of the oceans with the warmth of the gentle evening breeze. They were Mother Earth in human form.
My old home was a place of immense riches. We traded in textiles, livestock, frankincense & myrrh, mother of pearl. The world was our oyster.
My old home was a place the nomads called home. It was the place where they followed the elements, they were one with nature.
My old home was a place i longed to go to for a long time.

True to my ancestors i followed the winds back to its golden sands, the mesmerising & never ending coastline.

My old home is no longer where the noble nomad souls dwell anymore. The captivating and ever seductive smells of frankincense & myrrh have been replaced by diesel fumes & burning coal. My old home has been burned down, stripped, spat on, silenced & crippled.
My old home is a graveyard, a place where even the dead aren't left alone to rest in peace.
The big old tree that was once the gathering grounds for friends has turned to ashes. Instead of hearing sweet compilations of the poems i hear the echoes of a mothers tears, a daughters faint whisper & see a fathers ghost floating helplessly causing havoc. The son is all thats left, he's a vampire. The vampire that slit his fathers throat for a fix, stole the clothes off his sisters back to clean up the mess he made blaming her for his crimes, fore her cloth carries their family blood.
His children don't know that once upon a time their people were great warriors & lovers. All they know is when the sun sets they must feed.

My old home was a place of beauty.

Untitled 


I am grateful to be blessed enough to be your gateway to this world. I am humbled by the responsibility bestowed upon me by the creator, to help guide you in this world. 

I promise to teach you all that I know so that you will be the strongest, kindest yet humble being. To be at peace with yourself, to know your worth. To respect and honour all that is within and around you. To wake up each morning grateful that you get to see another day, follow your trail. Leave your mark in the universe. To know that life is balance. To have faith but understand the importance of acting, fore actions speak louder than words. Whatever will be will be, but you are given free will, a mind to think with, a spirit to feel with and a soul to recognise your journey. Choose wisely, always choose wisely. Don't ever get trapped into thinking you didn't have a choice. Sometimes life won't give you rosy options but the choice is always yours to make and live with. Dare to dream with all your might and you will see the elements all fighting to see you succeed. Your soul knows what you may not realise yet, what you want at your core is already searching for you. Whatever you do don't get lost in the smoke screen this thing called society has put up to distract you. 

I am just another guide in this journey of yours, I may not always do best by you but I always want the best for you. But ultimately you and only you know what's best for you. 

                           At what point in my life should i have opened this letter?

There is no such thing as fear my dear. Don't ever let anything or anyone, including me, tell you otherwise. Or stop you from doing what you feel in your heart is right. Always go with your gut instinct, take chances, never doubt yourself because tomorrow is never promised. Do right by today, do right by you, eventually you will come to see that everything falls into place. 
No other human can ever cause you any damage to you greater than what you can cause yourself. 
We can be our very own worst enemy in life. As we grow up we pick up attachments, demons and fire. We carry those with us, if wer the unlucky ones forever, and with their help we take ourselves to the depths of hell voluntarily. Sounds insane, i know, but with time youl come to understand what i mean.
Steer clear of that girl with the pearly smile, she wants nothing more than to take you to the depths of hell she has seen and dwells in.
Deep down inside, in the most insidious, sadistic place at the core of our personal hell, every lost soul wants to derail anyone that seems to be finding their way out of the maze. Although it may be sub conscience most of the times, misery loves company. 
They can never admit it to another soul but most importantly never to themselves because ignorance is bliss. 
Forever dwelling, always on the go aimlessly. Voluntarily they not only cause themselves to live through hell but drag others along to reinforce their smoke screen. 
This is from generations and generations of brain washing, generations of conditioning, generations of reinforcement. 
Generation after generation people pass on the poison they carry within, like a virus, to other people through connections whether it be blood relation, friendly or romantic connection. Like an olympic torch they passing the poison. As if it were their purpose in life, their goal in life to make sure the beast stays alive.
Without even realising we have become the devils very own spokes person. There has to be a blackout, there needs to be hell on earth, we create problems. We do this to the image we see in the mirror, in our homes with our loved ones, in our communities to our neighbours, in society and the rest of our global family. 
Humanity has become a concept we have lost touch with. Reinforcing darkness to trickle down person to person, street by street, city by city. 
There are bad people out there, like vampires dragging dark clouds everywhere they walk. Just as there are bad people out there are good people too. 

Every being is born with the same level of capability to choose. No matter what life throws at you, you have a choice. You may not like the options and you may question the situation and sometimes create another alternative, but you always have a choice. Its all a matter of choice. Its a matter of persistence, strength, truth, faith and love.
Being open and honest with yourself is a start. Never fear, because the fear is always greater than the  situation. Danger is one thing but fear is a whole different ball game. 
Always love you before anyone or anything else. 
When you can do that you will see what loving another means. 
When you can break free of all the pain and poison around you will you be able to be the immensely bright star that you are. You won't need to look up in the sky for light but deep within. 
You will see the constellations of the stars in your eyes when you look in the mirror. Feel the universe within you. 
There is so much greatness out there and you are apart of that greatness. Dont ever believe otherwise.
Travel because no soul was born to be in one place. We are nomads my beloved. You are your mothers child. Smile at a stranger, because you don't know what a smile will do for that soul that day. Help an old lady cross the road, because one day that could be me. Always be kind, never take less from anyone but i will tell you as my mother told me: hadaa la kala roonanin roob ma' doyo. Respect your elders, be an example to the young ones, always remember what humanity means to you. Wake up everyday grateful for the blessing to see another day. always give thanks for all the blessings you receive. 
Be brave when you need to
Be shy when you need to
Cry when you need to
Because 
you are a hero, you are a human being, you might be the one to save humanity as we know it, if your not at least you can be the one to ignite the fire that does. 
You are therefore you can my dear.