Thursday, 2 March 2017

One dark night

Life is one long night, the journey that is.

This journey called life, they say don't take it for granted it's a gift. Doesn't matter who or what you believe in. It's a gift not to be wasted. It's all the unknown. Whether you believe in a higher power or the Big Bang theory or why not both? The bottom line is life is surviving in the forest on your own in a dark night. There is only one way out. Either you have faith and feed your guardians or your demons. Whichever you chose is how you set the pace for this journey. So which is your reality now? 

Sunday, 12 June 2016

Travel & the lessons from the land of riches/aid

The world being what it is in this information overloaded, over sharing of stories and lives on social media there is so much out there for travelling. Many pride themselves on being global nomads, with all these wonderful pictures of exotic places and blinding night lights of the big cities. On social media it's all glitz and glamour. Can't say I'm not guilty of a few pictures that have resulted in a lot of people falling in love with this life of travel that we have adopted as a family. Some even call me brave for jetting across the planet to a place known for pirates & terrorists at three months pregnant away from family, friends and comforts. Until this day I don't see myself as brave but know that it was a necessary part of my life that needed to happen the way it did. It was most definately far from glitz and glamour but a bombardment of lessons, questions more than answers. The sheer amounts of questions scared me senseless at first. My foundation as I knew it was shaken, questioning almost everything I took to be me. The time came to go back to the drawing board, having more questions than answers was hard for someone that has always took pride in knowing the path she was going in. Had to go back to the drawing board not only with self evaluation on a personal level just as the girl I once knew, the woman I became once married but the biggest ship of all as a mother. Now that I am a mother the responsibility to understand the world and myself became more imminent, because I'm not just navigating through this world on my own. I have been entrusted with the purest form of life, this flawless soul that is looking to me to help get through this journey called life, this platform called the world. The mess that is society. The smokescreen that many of us is blinded by, I once was blinded by. I don't want him to be subjected to that. Like any and all parents, I want what's best for this little man. I don't want him wasting years on cleaning up the mess that society subjects onto us, the subconscious emotional garbage our parents sometimes unload onto us from their shortcomings. My shortcomings are mine and mine alone, it's not for anyone else.
Trying to learn/unlearn all that I know about parenthood, personhood doing all this in a foreign land I once called home. A place which I dreamt of being back in for as long as I could remember. Growing up in a place you don't belong in thinking where you was born is your home, growing up with a dual identity enforced the idea of going back home.
Living in the place I once called home the realisation like a lightning bolt hit. The ugly reality of it being far, very far from what it was in my head.
This difficult stage with its beautiful clear blue skies & scorching hot sun finally taught me that home truly is where your heart is.
This in itself started the next stage of questions. My heart has floated away with the wind to all the four corners of the world a long time ago. I'm a traveller at heart, a nomad some might say. The idea of not having one set home was quite frightening, but I found liberation in knowing that I don't need to be confined by four walls. Belonging to a certain society/ a group of people with their set ideology. As a human being I'm far beyond that. If I can ever leave my son with a lesson it is just that. We are only ever limited to what we let ourselves be limited to. The ability of the human being is beyond what any society can teach us. The vast universe around us is also apart of us, as well as within us. Don't ever fall victim to the idea of being defined by your name or what you do for a living.
The concept of you is far greater than that.
So we travelled, moved between how many houses I lost count of now. Seen incredible places, met some beautiful people. Have had my faith in humanity shaken more than a dozen of times. Seen first hand this thing called poverty. Buildings crumbled from war. Seen shattered families as a result of civil war & mind numbing colonialism. Worst of the original product. Where the oppressed has become the best advocate for their own destruction & wiping out the very essence of their being & shitting all over their ancestors fight for freedom. Been to places where emotional & mental rape are as common as a cup of coffee in the morning.
Seeing the ugly side of humanity where money is god.
All this laced with the beautiful images of sunny places, flawless almost angelic smiles of innocent children. The strong brave mothers working while carrying their children on their back.
The image of a 4x4 land cruiser with the saviours handing out charity goods to the poor public. The image of those cars will never be the same again having lived in a few parts of this vast continent. All that those white 4x4s with their bullet proof windows represent is an unfortunate side of humanity one can only understand by seeing firsthand the destruction they cause & the spiral effect of mental instability.
Something very wrong took place a very, very long time ago. The reality of some people coming out of it is unfortunately a very bleak one, so I refuse to apologise for not partaking in your sugar coating, supposed righteous image of a ruined continent. One day we will both go back into the earth your opinion is worth nought but dust. So unless you hold the key to REAL change in life don't come at me with talks of charity, I'm over and off that train.

Saturday, 18 July 2015

My Old home

My old home was a place of beauty, a place where they sat around the campfire by the old tree and mastered the art of spoken word. Men so eloquently, flawlessly & oh so seductively moved the masses with their words. The women, by god the women, were true lionesses with grace that put the gazelles to shame. The beat of their drum had their men move the pyramids.
My old home was a place of strength, the fathers were hunters & camel herders and their children were the apprentices. The mothers built and managed their homes with the grounding of mountains, the immense power of the oceans with the warmth of the gentle evening breeze. They were Mother Earth in human form.
My old home was a place of immense riches. We traded in textiles, livestock, frankincense & myrrh, mother of pearl. The world was our oyster.
My old home was a place the nomads called home. It was the place where they followed the elements, they were one with nature.
My old home was a place i longed to go to for a long time.

True to my ancestors i followed the winds back to its golden sands, the mesmerising & never ending coastline.

My old home is no longer where the noble nomad souls dwell anymore. The captivating and ever seductive smells of frankincense & myrrh have been replaced by diesel fumes & burning coal. My old home has been burned down, stripped, spat on, silenced & crippled.
My old home is a graveyard, a place where even the dead aren't left alone to rest in peace.
The big old tree that was once the gathering grounds for friends has turned to ashes. Instead of hearing sweet compilations of the poems i hear the echoes of a mothers tears, a daughters faint whisper & see a fathers ghost floating helplessly causing havoc. The son is all thats left, he's a vampire. The vampire that slit his fathers throat for a fix, stole the clothes off his sisters back to clean up the mess he made blaming her for his crimes, fore her cloth carries their family blood.
His children don't know that once upon a time their people were great warriors & lovers. All they know is when the sun sets they must feed.

My old home was a place of beauty.

Sunday, 24 May 2015


I am grateful to be blessed enough to be your gateway to this world. I am humbled by the responsibility bestowed upon me by the creator, to help guide you in this world. 
I promise to teach you all that I know so that you will be the strongest, kindest yet humble being. To be at peace with yourself, to know your worth. To respect and honour all that is within and around you. To wake up each morning grateful that you get to see another day, follow your trail. Leave your mark in the universe. To know that life is balance. To have faith but understand the importance of acting, fore actions speak louder than words. Whatever will be will be, but you are given free will, a mind to think with, a spirit to feel with and a soul to recognise your journey. Choose wisely, always choose wisely. Don't ever get trapped into thinking you didn't have a choice. Sometimes life won't give you rosy options but the choice is always yours to make and live with. Dare to dream with all your might and you will see the elements all fighting to see you succeed. Your soul knows what you may not realise yet, what you want at your core is already searching for you. Whatever you do don't get lost in the smoke screen this thing called society has put up to distract you. 
I am just another guide in this journey of yours, I may not always do best by you but I always want the best for you. But ultimately you and only you know what's best for you. 

Thursday, 13 November 2014

                           At what point in my life should i have opened this letter?

There is no such thing as fear my dear. Don't ever let anything or anyone, including me, tell you otherwise. Or stop you from doing what you feel in your heart is right. Always go with your gut instinct, take chances, never doubt yourself because tomorrow is never promised. Do right by today, do right by you, eventually you will come to see that everything falls into place. 
No other human can ever cause you any damage to you greater than what you can cause yourself. 
We can be our very own worst enemy in life. As we grow up we pick up attachments, demons and fire. We carry those with us, if wer the unlucky ones forever, and with their help we take ourselves to the depths of hell voluntarily. Sounds insane, i know, but with time youl come to understand what i mean.
Steer clear of that girl with the pearly smile, she wants nothing more than to take you to the depths of hell she has seen and dwells in.
Deep down inside, in the most insidious, sadistic place at the core of our personal hell, every lost soul wants to derail anyone that seems to be finding their way out of the maze. Although it may be sub conscience most of the times, misery loves company. 
They can never admit it to another soul but most importantly never to themselves because ignorance is bliss. 
Forever dwelling, always on the go aimlessly. Voluntarily they not only cause themselves to live through hell but drag others along to reinforce their smoke screen. 
This is from generations and generations of brain washing, generations of conditioning, generations of reinforcement. 
Generation after generation people pass on the poison they carry within, like a virus, to other people through connections whether it be blood relation, friendly or romantic connection. Like an olympic torch they passing the poison. As if it were their purpose in life, their goal in life to make sure the beast stays alive.
Without even realising we have become the devils very own spokes person. There has to be a blackout, there needs to be hell on earth, we create problems. We do this to the image we see in the mirror, in our homes with our loved ones, in our communities to our neighbours, in society and the rest of our global family. 
Humanity has become a concept we have lost touch with. Reinforcing darkness to trickle down person to person, street by street, city by city. 
There are bad people out there, like vampires dragging dark clouds everywhere they walk. Just as there are bad people out there are good people too. 

Every being is born with the same level of capability to choose. No matter what life throws at you, you have a choice. You may not like the options and you may question the situation and sometimes create another alternative, but you always have a choice. Its all a matter of choice. Its a matter of persistence, strength, truth, faith and love.
Being open and honest with yourself is a start. Never fear, because the fear is always greater than the  situation. Danger is one thing but fear is a whole different ball game. 
Always love you before anyone or anything else. 
When you can do that you will see what loving another means. 
When you can break free of all the pain and poison around you will you be able to be the immensely bright star that you are. You won't need to look up in the sky for light but deep within. 
You will see the constellations of the stars in your eyes when you look in the mirror. Feel the universe within you. 
There is so much greatness out there and you are apart of that greatness. Dont ever believe otherwise.
Travel because no soul was born to be in one place. We are nomads my beloved. You are your mothers child. Smile at a stranger, because you don't know what a smile will do for that soul that day. Help an old lady cross the road, because one day that could be me. Always be kind, never take less from anyone but i will tell you as my mother told me: hadaa la kala roonanin roob ma' doyo. Respect your elders, be an example to the young ones, always remember what humanity means to you. Wake up everyday grateful for the blessing to see another day. always give thanks for all the blessings you receive. 
Be brave when you need to
Be shy when you need to
Cry when you need to
you are a hero, you are a human being, you might be the one to save humanity as we know it, if your not at least you can be the one to ignite the fire that does. 
You are therefore you can my dear.

Tuesday, 30 September 2014


There aren't enough lessons on perceptions in life. Whatever background or belief one has, there is always talk of a set of elders of wisdom. The ones that whatever they may call it, have gained awareness and understood what perception is. A lot of people are victims of their limitations. As a new born baby one opens their eyes and they are a being that has the possibility to go in any direction in whichever speed they want to. But the limitations that grow like a tumour over the years are what determine who we become and what further knowledge we take in. Forgetting that we are the masters and knowledge without us would seize to exist. the question then that stands is how much does what we take in and act upon control us? And how far does the manipulation of the self go to lead us down the road of destruction?
Yes many, and myself included at one point in my life, would argue some things are out of ones hands. The age old 'nature v nurture' battles continues. In that equation modern day psychology doesn't take into account the "self". Look at a child, their happiness and the constant questions to understand the universe doesn't have an attachment. They have no limitations, no regrets nor make mistakes but gather lessons. Until they finally surrender to the "written rules" of society, surrendering to this then lead to their limitations and due to their agreement cap the selves. This is where the ' I had no choice, my options were limited so I ended up with the latter' come into play. Easily we surrender to becoming a product of our environment. Too quickly we disarm, put our word down, lay our crayons aside, disassociate with the faint voice in the background. With the perception of life being one hard battlefield, a booby trap, a obstacle course. So easily we forget the beauty of innocence and purity we carry within. A product of our environment we become. I am the child of a child of colonialism. I am a child of civil war. I am a child that grew up where I didn't belong. As children of civil war the traditions begin to water down.  a product of civil war identity withers. Forever in conflict my brothers and sisters grow up. We believe there was a way, there must be a way, at best. Or surrender to there demons around. Become a product by design. Becoming the demons. Feeding the demon within. Marry to escape the difficulties at home, a lifeless wedding. Never really knowing what marriage is. Join a gang for a sense of belonging, because the boy Hooyo wants he never saw in abo. The concept of the head of the household, the hunter gatherer being wiped. Your entire purpose is then wiped. There has to be a way to ease the pain? Timing out is an option, far too rosy like the greener grass at the neighbours house across the road. Let's drink sweet tea, bite on bitter leaves and discuss politics which is a puzzle that is a great fantasy to discuss. We will solve problems of our land with the neighbours rules and regulations. Let them lead by example, not taking into account the hell hole the 1% has created them. Blindly following like sheep. The sheep I seen on the streets of hargeisa, munching on plastic bags content as anything. Forgetting the cardinal rule of charity begins at home. You can't expect a fish to climb the tree that the monkey climbs, as you can't expect the monkey to swim with such grace. Let's not bare heed to the old ancient practices that descended down from your ancestors that taught you what a man is.

Wednesday, 10 September 2014

Revelation some might call it.

I've always been a believer in hope.

Faith and love have always been my armour, never thought I needed to raise. Little did I know hope is the very thing that always let me accept a lot of lessons in life, some may say mistakes, lessons in life I see them as.
I always believed that people do fall, they will fall many a times in life. It was never the falling that was the issue for me however but always making sure you jumped right back up.
That mentality was forever my focus.
Always get up, always get up at any cost.
Never allow yourself to wallow in self pity. I'm not good with sympathy, never accepted sympathy for myself and rarely for another soul.
Accepting sympathy for something that one had the control to get out of meant defeat. It meant that one accepted being a victim.

What was the point of that?

It wouldn't erase the pain that the problem caused nor would it undo what was done.
Empathy on the other hand? Empathy is a concept I was all for. I could understand.

Never asking why something happened to me but always placing the focus on the next step.
" it's happened, now what?"
Believing in hope is what has somewhat contributed to me placing so much emphasis on empathy and disregarding sympathy almost altogether.
With time im finding myself embarking on a journey that's teaching me a lot about myself. One thing I've come to realise is that hope is a bandage.
It isn't necessarily the cure for the illness, doesn't heal the wound nor prevents it from happening again.

This journey has brought me back to meditating, contemplating on life.

New chapter.
Reading a lot more, withdrawing back into myself. In the midst of all this I've come to remember different events, many souls I come across. So many amazing souls, so bright yet so damaged. Each and every day going though the motions. Recalling the conversations with all these lovely souls, reminiscing on the events of their lives has made me understand that hope is:

That young girl hoping her first love will grow up to be a man and treat her accordingly. One day hel wake up and realise he loves her and everything will be as the fairy tales because that is all there is right?

Hope is that young man settling for the girl he once loved. Growing to detest her every day that goes by, all this because he never stayed true to himself and at the end of the day true to her too. He's a good guy so what more is there to do?

Hope is sticking out with that job that takes up all your time and energy. The job that is slowly destroying your soul. Everyday like a zombie walking and doing what needs to be done for what you believe is life, that promotion will come. How else do you pay the bills?

Hope is the single mother from three different fathers. It's her thought that the next one will be different, shel be loved and live a fulfilled life, walking through the flame repeatedly. Fairy tales don't exist so how else can one get a happy family?

Hope is that voice that whispers, that whispers tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Tomorrow has no regard for yesterday.

Yesterday can't come back, it goes against every fibre of its existence.

Little did I know of the most powerful entity that is today, today is the perfect harmony between the two.

Life can be without the notion of hope, life can go on without hope.
Get today right, what will be the need for hope?
Not disregarding it altogether, but I've come to remember the beauty in sitting in peace.
My soul is crying out to me, my heart has been whispering to me all this time. I just didn't understand the language in which it was speaking to me in. Now I'm taking heed, I'm going back to the drawing board. Sitting in peace, hearing my heart, meditating, accepting what was, what is and what will be.

Just Be.
Be in the here and now.
Be in the present moment.
Just Be.

Flow with the ocean. Call out to the moon. Be grounded by Mother Earth.
By remembering to hear the call for the here and now, the anxiety and unnecessary lessons I would have, will gradually seize to exist.
Knowing to choose to pack accordingly, the excess weight that will cost me the extra burden will not be needed.
Learning to fall in love with today, respecting all the blessings I am making peace with yesterday's burden and tomorrow's anxiety.

Once you get to this, there won't be a need for hope. There is action.
Let the only by products be Love and Faith.
You won't be in a place where you are carrying a steel rod as a souvenir from the belly of the beast slowly seeping through you burning holes in your soul.

I am here to live, love, learn and BE.

What about you?