Thursday, 13 November 2014

                           At what point in my life should i have opened this letter?

There is no such thing as fear my dear. Don't ever let anything or anyone, including me, tell you otherwise. Or stop you from doing what you feel in your heart is right. Always go with your gut instinct, take chances, never doubt yourself because tomorrow is never promised. Do right by today, do right by you, eventually you will come to see that everything falls into place. 
No other human can ever cause you any damage to you greater than what you can cause yourself. 
We can be our very own worst enemy in life. As we grow up we pick up attachments, demons and fire. We carry those with us, if wer the unlucky ones forever, and with their help we take ourselves to the depths of hell voluntarily. Sounds insane, i know, but with time youl come to understand what i mean.
Steer clear of that girl with the pearly smile, she wants nothing more than to take you to the depths of hell she has seen and dwells in.
Deep down inside, in the most insidious, sadistic place at the core of our personal hell, every lost soul wants to derail anyone that seems to be finding their way out of the maze. Although it may be sub conscience most of the times, misery loves company. 
They can never admit it to another soul but most importantly never to themselves because ignorance is bliss. 
Forever dwelling, always on the go aimlessly. Voluntarily they not only cause themselves to live through hell but drag others along to reinforce their smoke screen. 
This is from generations and generations of brain washing, generations of conditioning, generations of reinforcement. 
Generation after generation people pass on the poison they carry within, like a virus, to other people through connections whether it be blood relation, friendly or romantic connection. Like an olympic torch they passing the poison. As if it were their purpose in life, their goal in life to make sure the beast stays alive.
Without even realising we have become the devils very own spokes person. There has to be a blackout, there needs to be hell on earth, we create problems. We do this to the image we see in the mirror, in our homes with our loved ones, in our communities to our neighbours, in society and the rest of our global family. 
Humanity has become a concept we have lost touch with. Reinforcing darkness to trickle down person to person, street by street, city by city. 
There are bad people out there, like vampires dragging dark clouds everywhere they walk. Just as there are bad people out there are good people too. 

Every being is born with the same level of capability to choose. No matter what life throws at you, you have a choice. You may not like the options and you may question the situation and sometimes create another alternative, but you always have a choice. Its all a matter of choice. Its a matter of persistence, strength, truth, faith and love.
Being open and honest with yourself is a start. Never fear, because the fear is always greater than the  situation. Danger is one thing but fear is a whole different ball game. 
Always love you before anyone or anything else. 
When you can do that you will see what loving another means. 
When you can break free of all the pain and poison around you will you be able to be the immensely bright star that you are. You won't need to look up in the sky for light but deep within. 
You will see the constellations of the stars in your eyes when you look in the mirror. Feel the universe within you. 
There is so much greatness out there and you are apart of that greatness. Dont ever believe otherwise.
Travel because no soul was born to be in one place. We are nomads my beloved. You are your mothers child. Smile at a stranger, because you don't know what a smile will do for that soul that day. Help an old lady cross the road, because one day that could be me. Always be kind, never take less from anyone but i will tell you as my mother told me: hadaa la kala roonanin roob ma' doyo. Respect your elders, be an example to the young ones, always remember what humanity means to you. Wake up everyday grateful for the blessing to see another day. always give thanks for all the blessings you receive. 
Be brave when you need to
Be shy when you need to
Cry when you need to
Because 
you are a hero, you are a human being, you might be the one to save humanity as we know it, if your not at least you can be the one to ignite the fire that does. 
You are therefore you can my dear.

Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Perception.

There aren't enough lessons on perceptions in life. Whatever background or belief one has, there is always talk of a set of elders of wisdom. The ones that whatever they may call it, have gained awareness and understood what perception is. A lot of people are victims of their limitations. As a new born baby one opens their eyes and they are a being that has the possibility to go in any direction in whichever speed they want to. But the limitations that grow like a tumour over the years are what determine who we become and what further knowledge we take in. Forgetting that we are the masters and knowledge without us would seize to exist. the question then that stands is how much does what we take in and act upon control us? And how far does the manipulation of the self go to lead us down the road of destruction?
Yes many, and myself included at one point in my life, would argue some things are out of ones hands. The age old 'nature v nurture' battles continues. In that equation modern day psychology doesn't take into account the "self". Look at a child, their happiness and the constant questions to understand the universe doesn't have an attachment. They have no limitations, no regrets nor make mistakes but gather lessons. Until they finally surrender to the "written rules" of society, surrendering to this then lead to their limitations and due to their agreement cap the selves. This is where the ' I had no choice, my options were limited so I ended up with the latter' come into play. Easily we surrender to becoming a product of our environment. Too quickly we disarm, put our word down, lay our crayons aside, disassociate with the faint voice in the background. With the perception of life being one hard battlefield, a booby trap, a obstacle course. So easily we forget the beauty of innocence and purity we carry within. A product of our environment we become. I am the child of a child of colonialism. I am a child of civil war. I am a child that grew up where I didn't belong. As children of civil war the traditions begin to water down.  a product of civil war identity withers. Forever in conflict my brothers and sisters grow up. We believe there was a way, there must be a way, at best. Or surrender to there demons around. Become a product by design. Becoming the demons. Feeding the demon within. Marry to escape the difficulties at home, a lifeless wedding. Never really knowing what marriage is. Join a gang for a sense of belonging, because the boy Hooyo wants he never saw in abo. The concept of the head of the household, the hunter gatherer being wiped. Your entire purpose is then wiped. There has to be a way to ease the pain? Timing out is an option, far too rosy like the greener grass at the neighbours house across the road. Let's drink sweet tea, bite on bitter leaves and discuss politics which is a puzzle that is a great fantasy to discuss. We will solve problems of our land with the neighbours rules and regulations. Let them lead by example, not taking into account the hell hole the 1% has created them. Blindly following like sheep. The sheep I seen on the streets of hargeisa, munching on plastic bags content as anything. Forgetting the cardinal rule of charity begins at home. You can't expect a fish to climb the tree that the monkey climbs, as you can't expect the monkey to swim with such grace. Let's not bare heed to the old ancient practices that descended down from your ancestors that taught you what a man is.

Wednesday, 10 September 2014

Revelation some might call it.

I've always been a believer in hope.

Faith and love have always been my armour, never thought I needed to raise. Little did I know hope is the very thing that always let me accept a lot of lessons in life, some may say mistakes, lessons in life I see them as.
I always believed that people do fall, they will fall many a times in life. It was never the falling that was the issue for me however but always making sure you jumped right back up.
That mentality was forever my focus.
Always get up, always get up at any cost.
Never allow yourself to wallow in self pity. I'm not good with sympathy, never accepted sympathy for myself and rarely for another soul.
Accepting sympathy for something that one had the control to get out of meant defeat. It meant that one accepted being a victim.

What was the point of that?

It wouldn't erase the pain that the problem caused nor would it undo what was done.
Empathy on the other hand? Empathy is a concept I was all for. I could understand.

Never asking why something happened to me but always placing the focus on the next step.
" it's happened, now what?"
Believing in hope is what has somewhat contributed to me placing so much emphasis on empathy and disregarding sympathy almost altogether.
With time im finding myself embarking on a journey that's teaching me a lot about myself. One thing I've come to realise is that hope is a bandage.
It isn't necessarily the cure for the illness, doesn't heal the wound nor prevents it from happening again.

This journey has brought me back to meditating, contemplating on life.

New chapter.
Reading a lot more, withdrawing back into myself. In the midst of all this I've come to remember different events, many souls I come across. So many amazing souls, so bright yet so damaged. Each and every day going though the motions. Recalling the conversations with all these lovely souls, reminiscing on the events of their lives has made me understand that hope is:

That young girl hoping her first love will grow up to be a man and treat her accordingly. One day hel wake up and realise he loves her and everything will be as the fairy tales because that is all there is right?

Hope is that young man settling for the girl he once loved. Growing to detest her every day that goes by, all this because he never stayed true to himself and at the end of the day true to her too. He's a good guy so what more is there to do?

Hope is sticking out with that job that takes up all your time and energy. The job that is slowly destroying your soul. Everyday like a zombie walking and doing what needs to be done for what you believe is life, that promotion will come. How else do you pay the bills?

Hope is the single mother from three different fathers. It's her thought that the next one will be different, shel be loved and live a fulfilled life, walking through the flame repeatedly. Fairy tales don't exist so how else can one get a happy family?

Hope is that voice that whispers, that whispers tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Tomorrow has no regard for yesterday.

Yesterday can't come back, it goes against every fibre of its existence.

Little did I know of the most powerful entity that is today, today is the perfect harmony between the two.

Life can be without the notion of hope, life can go on without hope.
Get today right, what will be the need for hope?
Not disregarding it altogether, but I've come to remember the beauty in sitting in peace.
My soul is crying out to me, my heart has been whispering to me all this time. I just didn't understand the language in which it was speaking to me in. Now I'm taking heed, I'm going back to the drawing board. Sitting in peace, hearing my heart, meditating, accepting what was, what is and what will be.

Just Be.
Be in the here and now.
Be.
Be in the present moment.
Just Be.

Flow with the ocean. Call out to the moon. Be grounded by Mother Earth.
By remembering to hear the call for the here and now, the anxiety and unnecessary lessons I would have, will gradually seize to exist.
Knowing to choose to pack accordingly, the excess weight that will cost me the extra burden will not be needed.
Learning to fall in love with today, respecting all the blessings I am making peace with yesterday's burden and tomorrow's anxiety.

Once you get to this, there won't be a need for hope. There is action.
Let the only by products be Love and Faith.
You won't be in a place where you are carrying a steel rod as a souvenir from the belly of the beast slowly seeping through you burning holes in your soul.

I am here to live, love, learn and BE.

What about you?



Tuesday, 2 September 2014

Globalisation & The ugly truth

In a world where globalisation is very much like the deadliest of diseases infiltrating the body. Part by part, cell by cell. Destroying every organ, one by one.
Slowly crippling the body at all cost.
Starting with the head, diluting the mind. Like ambushing a village at night fall.
Taking all the children,
killing the women and
Disarming the men.
Globalisation is appearing to be the most lethal of diseases, modern day slavery.

Slavery 2.0.

New formula, the old physical shackles and whips have nothing on this new form of slavery. Cripple the women, take over the children's minds and the nation is yours for every generation to come.

Creating a new steel box of a prison, the old wooden boats have nothing on this. Once you can get them to believe the grass is truly greener on your side, they won't have time to question why are you on their ground.

??What is your motive??

Undermine them,
turn them against each other,
alter the minds of the children and you have your very own custom made chocolate factory you can operate as you please.

Like a drug get them addicted to the pennies, killing their brother for the illusion of a utopia,
instead of asking the questions or investigating the motives.
Instead of realising the depths of wealth your ancestors left you, all you will see is the carrot not the water/life force that you carry on your back. Selling your soul for pennies when the cradle you were born in is made of the purest of gems mankind will ever know. All you had to do was to look at the in the box that you take for granted. The light and answer has always been there.

My heart bleeds for humanity.

Globalisation:
New era expanding the world bringing everyone closer
Or
A soul sucking new phenomena?

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Breaking point in this journey of mine.

This is why I came here...
For a long time I felt that I had a purpose but seeing that 90 odd year old man get up from that so called "house" which is four walls made of some steel structure was a breaking point in my life.

He had no strength & lost his eye sight. Has four young children and a wife who struggles with her mental capacity. So in a household of 6 people, right behind one of the richest establishments in the city, these individuals live in what I can describe has a hot box, at my best.
Completely lost for words!
The ground they live behind is a up and coming area of the city. It's behind a whole neighbourhood of NGOs. This family living in a shack, no food & what can barely qualify for a roof over their head. Health deteriorated, both physically and mentally between themselves. School for the children? No chance! How's a child meant to attend school on an empty stomach and a 90 odd year old father to help support?

A household of six individuals who are in dire need. Let that sink in for a minute.

Almost every 'mansion' houses NGO staff in the area. People that have supposedly come here to help the poor. Yet myself and my husband happen to be the first set of people to go see them! Wer told wer the first ones to ask about the people that really are in need.
This family amongst god knows how many more are living in what I am still struggling to find words for.
The security guards, bless their souls, are the ones that told us about this family. They help with whatever little bit of food they can for this family. They work 7 days a week 6pm-6am for $100 a month. This is for themselves, their families and they somehow help others around them that are worse off.

This household has no one to look out for them. A elderly man, a mentally challenged woman and four minors. The community between themselves do the best they can to feed them. That's the best they get.
This is the world we live in.
This is the world we live in.
Is this the way the worlds meant to be?

They live on the door step of people that live off millions that they gathered up on their heads.
They live in a land that can feed them 10 times over.
They live in a continent that they can support every generation of theirs to come. They belong to a global community where people are starving themselves because they don't like what they see in the mirror because it does not correspond with the image they seen on tv.

Let that sink in for a minute.

This 90 odd year old man sleeps on a rocky ground in a hot box he calls his home.

This is the world we live in.

This is my people, there is no reason why this man could not have been my great grandfather, it is just by chance that this woman is not my mother, it is just due to geographical difference as to why those little ones are not my brothers and little sister.

Despite all that he suffers from he got out of his bed to greet us, the warmest of greetings, the best smile his face could let him give, even when his strength gave up and he had to practically sit on the ground he held my hand and was offering me all the blessings under the sun. He was happy someone took the time to come and converse with him. He doesn't require much from life.
I feel so honoured to have met this family, I am so greatful and humbled to the almighty that I am in a position in my life that I am able to do something for this man and his family. There are no such thing as coincidences. Everything happens for a reason. Alhamdulilah.

Thursday, 15 May 2014

My conversation with Xamar Cadey

It's all I've ever known. All I've ever referred to myself as,when they ask I say: gabar soomaaliyeed oo ku dhalatay Xamar cadey aan ahay.
At times wanting to roar from the top of the mountains but there were times the lioness in me retrieved back to the little cub finding her voice with a silent little hesitant whisper.
I am a second generation somali you see, I am a child of civil war. There's forever been this deep, intense passionate fire in my soul that is the love and respect I have for my ancestors. Love for the land with every fibre of my being.
But I am a second generation somali you see, a child of civil war. I was denied my rightful throne. Birth certificate burnt, libraries and schools blown up. Had no choice but to leave the warmth of my mothers embrace and my kingdom, the cool ocean breeze and the warm protection of that village that was meant to raise me.
 Departing on what was meant to be in the safety of my Moses basket, just for the oceans to spit me up at what was meant to be my Jerusalem.
Physically safe, mentally at war, sword drawn, emotionally ship wrecked in no mans land. Spiritual disconnection was what was planned for me and my generation. Our history books buried under the tree.
Was this the vision the brave warriors had when they shed blood sweat and tears to gain back what was once taken away from them 70 years ago? What is rightfully mine? Kings and queens we were born as, adopted into a world of family destruction and spiritual damnation. Without the connection to the motherland how do we rise and once again claim our rightful throne?
You see I am a second generation somali, I hear the call of the old tree. I am finding my books, my history, my heritage.

My love for you will stand the test of time.
For you once again I will cross seas, forgive me if I have been gone too long but I'm coming home Hooyo macaan.

Thursday, 1 May 2014

Will you take my hand and march with me?

We let our girls open their eyes to a world full of competition and battles from every angle to just BE. Yes this is a race, can be a race. But to wake up to a world where your success is capped, your beauty is dictated, your value is set at a price, your size, your shape, a number, a man? Is that the world mother earth intended for these queens to open their eyes to? We allow our queens to believe from an early age that their value is their looks, they gotta compete with that. Your appearance is your sword. You are born with it in your hand, sharpen it. This is not your only weapon to take on the world, a great woman once told me. Line up your armour, become educated, explore, polish it. Remember your sword. Sharpen it, a skilled warrior must not necessarily use force to win a battle, bear that in mind she said. Yes a sword is a useful weapon, but in a 21st century warfare is it the most effective tool to come to attack with?You can only battle one with no sword or another sword. You have no chance to take on the man with the nuclear bomb. Your sword is outdated. Your beauty has an expiration date. Your body is a ticking time bomb. Weight is a problem. The colour of your skin is an issue it's either not light enough or tanned enough. The shape of your body isn't appeasing to the man. So for that reason you must alter it, despise it, demean it or subject it to destruction. So instead of sharpening this sword, practicing daily as part of a regime not a sole source of protection, rely on it alone by just polishing and dusting it. With that comes ruin. A sword has no use without sharpening, without practising the right technique. No point going into attack without equipping yourself with the right armour and effective planning and strategy. Without the whole package our queens do nothing else but crushing the inner majestic light that every queen is born with. Without realising they consent to their own destruction and every generation to follow.
Shame is one word our girls know far too well like the back of their hand unlike our boys. We are experts at teaching them what shame is. From looks to what career is suitable for a female, from birth we give them the impression that being born a female makes you automatically guilty. Seek marriage, have a career that doesn't offend the male. Then you might be off the hook, so you can increase the population that is blind to the beauty and strength of Mother Earth and the female form.
I want to raise a strong empress, a gentle, graceful gazelle with the strength of a lioness. Like the queens before me I want my little queen to be/daughter to stand up proud and know that if a man is intimidated by her, he is exactly the type that doesn't deserve to be graced by her shadow let alone be consumed into her ever glowing light and spirit that can bring the king in him to life. I want the chain to break, I am rattling the cage. Can you feel my frustration with this generation? This is our time! Our time to demand change. Change for all that is pure and majestic. if not for the queens that raised us or the ones that stood strong and marched for us to claim our rightful throne. Let's do it for ourselves so that one day our kings and queens to come can be grateful for leaving them with clean air, green forests and knowledge of their inner light. Let us be that generation. Will you take my hand and take this march with me?